We Will Always Have Paris
by PrincessTiva
Summary: Because no matter how many people had told him that Ziva was gone, he couldn't let go of that sliver of hope. Ziva David couldn't be dead. Tiva. Post 13x24.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Okay so what the actual F*** was that? I'm deeply impressed by the lack of respect they showed for their very own characters. Tony and Ziva deserved better, both individually and together. And so did Cote and Michael. I will forever be pissed. I was pissed after Past, Present, Future, but that episode last night took things to a whole different level. That is just disrespectful in every possible way. And low. Even for NCIS. Killing Ziva was the stupidiest thing they have ever done. Why bring back (mention) a character they hadn't mentioned in three years just to kill her off? HOW STUPID IS THAT? I was also not happy with the whole Tali storyline to be completely honest. And yet, I decided to include her in this. Because this story will attempt to fix what the writers of NCIS screwed up. It takes off right after the finale and will go on from there. Because I refuse to believe that Ziva David is dead.

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own NCIS or any of its characters. Because if I did, none of this would have happened. (UGH)

 **Summary:** Because no matter how many people had told him that Ziva was gone, he couldn't let go of that sliver of hope. Ziva David couldn't be dead. Tiva. Post 13x24.

 **Note about Canon/AU:** Even though I wasn't happy AT ALL with what NCIS did, this story will attempt to fix it. And therefore, everything up to the end of 13x24 is canon. Tali is canon, Tony not knowing about Tali is canon, Ziva being declared dead is canon. We will go from there...

Enjoy? :D

* * *

 _Washington DC, United States – May 17, 2016_

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

Tony didn't even look up when his dad asked the question he had asked quite a handful of times ever since Tony had told him about his plans. He zipped his bag, for the second time in two days. It heart sank as he flashed back to the first time he had packed the bag. So much had happened in the past 24 hours. Things he had never expected to have to deal with. His gaze landed on Tali, who was peacefully playing with her toy doggy on the couch. She didn't deserve any of this. But he was going to make sure she had the childhood she deserved.

"Junior," his dad's voice pulled Tony from his thoughts.

He looked up at his dad, who had crossed the room and was now standing right beside him. Tony sighed, momentarily dropping halting in his movements.

"I have to," he said, his voice betraying him for what wasn't the first time that day.

It took all of his willpower to not spill everything to his dad. Everything being the real reason he felt like he had to do this. He wasn't going to Israel and Paris with Tali to inflict even more emotional pain on himself. He was doing it to find answers. Because no matter how many people had told him that Ziva was gone, he couldn't let go of that sliver of hope. Ziva David couldn't be dead.

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 18, 2016_

Tony sighed deeply as his head finally hit the pillows. The flight to Tel Aviv had been the longest hours of his life. Between having to entertain Tali, who had refused to go to sleep, and keeping himself together, he had barely had time to sort through his thoughts. He had managed to put Tali to sleep surprisingly fast after arriving at the hotel, the little girl completely worn out by the events of the past two days. So was he though. And now, laying on the cold sheets of the double bed in Israel, it was all catching up with him.

He had a daughter. _They_ had a daughter. And Ziva was supposedly dead. Only, he didn't believe that. He hadn't believed it from the second McGee and Abby had shown up at his apartment. He hadn't believed it when Gibbs had told him. He hadn't believed it when Orli had told him. And he sure as hell wouldn't believe it until he was proven otherwise. He had questioned everyone who had told him she was dead. Was there proof? Were they sure? Had they found a body? Matched her DNA?

Funnily enough though, he hadn't questioned for even a second whether Tali was really his daughter. From the very moment Tali had walked into the room, he had noticed. She looked just like Ziva, but she had his eyes. She was the living proof of their love. The only thing that didn't quite make sense to him, though, was why Ziva had kept her pregnancy from him.

"Ima?"

Tony squeezed his eyes shut, trying to swallow down the lump forming in his throat.

"Ima?" Tali's voice grew louder.

He got up, walked over to Tali and smiled sadly. The little girl's eyes were wide, hopeful.

"Your mom is not here, sweetie," he told her softly.

Tali stretched out her arms, her hands trying to grasp his hands. His throat constricted when her tiny fingers wrapped around his and he wasn't able to tear his gaze away.

"Ima," Tali repeated, slower this time, and pointed at the bag next to the toddler bed.

"I'm sorry, little one," Tony took a deep breath, "but she's not in there."

Tali giggled and Tony forced a smile onto his face. Staying strong for her was easier said than done.

"You need to sleep, Tali," his voice was tired.

She yawned, but shook her head. "Ima."

"Tali, she can't be here right now. But I'm here. Your," he swallowed hard, "your Aba."

The little girl seemed to consider that for a moment, then a smile spread across her face and she nodded, pointing at him, "Aba."

The faintest smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, "Yes, that's right, Tali."

"Now will you go to sleep?" He tried again.

She pointed at the bag again and started getting impatient, just like she had back when they had still been in his apartment in Washington. God, how much easier it would be if she could speak.

He sighed, "What is it Tali?"

Tali mumbled a word that he couldn't quite make out. But it reminded him a lot of the word she had used to refer to her stuffed animal.

"You want your doggy?" He asked.

She nodded enthusiastically, pointing at the bag and repeating the word. Tony reached for the bag and unzipped it. The dog was right on top and he pulled it out and gave it to Tali, who grinned brightly. His gaze though was fixed on the item that the dog had previously covered. The framed picture of him and Ziva in Paris. The one item that wouldn't add up. Why would Tali have this framed picture in her bag? Of all the pictures Ziva could have chosen to always have in Tali's go bag, it was the one of them in Paris.

"Neshika," Tali said, looking up at Tony with wide eyes.

"Neshika?" Tony repeated.

He had no idea what the word meant. Was it another stuffed animal? A toy? A goodnight story Ziva always read her? He should have really brushed up on his Hebrew. But then again, how could he have seen any of this coming?

Tali pointed to her cheek, "Neshika."

He frantically pulled his phone from his pocket, cursing under his breath when he saw he had no service.

"What is Neshika, Tali?" He asked.

Tali pointed at Tony, then at her cheek, "Neshika."

It started to dawn on him then, "Goodnight kiss?" He pointed to his lips, then to her cheek to illustrate what he meant.

Tali nodded enthusiastically, "Neshika."

He smiled in relief. That he could do. He leaned in and pressed a featherlight kiss on Tali's cheek. She smiled at him happily, then yawned and hugged her doggy close.

"Go to sleep now, Tali, okay?" He whispered as he tugged her in.

She nodded, her eyes already closing. He couldn't help but smile at how peaceful she looked. She had no idea what was going on around her. And he couldn't help but envy his daughter for that.

He went over to the bed again and sat down on the edge, Tali's bag still in his hands. He took out the picture frame and stared at it. When he had first discovered the picture among Tali's things, he hadn't been able to stop his mind from going back to a conversation he had had with Ziva years ago. And he couldn't help but flash back to that very moment again.

* * *

 _Washington DC, United States – May 2011_

"I meant what I said earlier," Ziva whispered.

He wasn't sure whether he had been supposed to hear it, but he turned the volume of the TV down anyway and turned to look at her.

It had been a long day for all of them and at the end of the day, a silent agreement had passed between him and Ziva that neither of them should or wanted to go home alone that night. So he had followed her to her place. She had started a movie while Tony had gotten beers from the fridge, all without a single word passing between them.

"What exactly?" Tony asked, referring to her whispered statement.

She looked up at him, and his heart ached when he saw tears pooling in her eyes yet again. He fought the urge to reach out and wipe them away.

"There's always going to be another monster," she said, her voice conveying her sadness. The sadness he himself felt as well.

"Yeah, but we're gonna get them," he promised for the second time that day.

He couldn't fight the urge to reach for her hand and give it a gentle squeeze.

She shook her head, "One day we will not."

"But one day isn't today," he countered.

"Perhaps not today. Or tomorrow," she nodded, "but one day."

"Ziva," he started, but she cut him off, "That day will come, Tony."

He sighed, "And then what?"

"When that day comes, we need a plan."

"A plan? Like an escape plan?" He couldn't help but smirk.

"I am not joking, Tony," she told him sternly. The smirk froze on his face and he mumbled an apology.

"If we ever need to escape, go into hiding, we will go to Paris," she then said.

He gulped audibly. "Paris?"

She nodded, "Paris."

"Why Paris?"

"It is a nice city, yes?"

"It's also thousands of miles away."

She rolled her eyes, "Which is the point exactly."

"And what if only one of us needs to go into hiding? Is there a different location?" Tony asked.

Ziva seemed to contemplate that for a second, then shrugged, "We will always find each other. Just like we will always have Paris."

He felt a familiar warmth spread through his body and a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, "Yes, we will."

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – Present Day_

Tony traced Ziva's face on the picture with his finger. She had always had a thing for symbols. When he had tried to trace her down in Israel three years ago, she had sent him a picture of her with her brother Ari during their childhood years. He hadn't been able to place it right away, but the picture had been a clue about her whereabouts. He couldn't help but wonder whether this was as well.

* * *

 **A/N: And that was the first chapter! Second one is already in the works. Please let me know what you think/what you'd want to see happen/what could be improved in the reviews section below :)  
Love you all and keep your heads up, people!  
~ C.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** Whoaaa guys! Thank you so much for the GREAT response to the first chapter! There are over 100 people following this story already, over 100 reblogs/likes on tumblr (WHAT?) and my twitter feed just keeps exploding. Thank you! You're awesome and I'm so glad you like this story so far! We're only just getting started, so buckle up and come along on the ride :)

 **Here's chapter 2. Enjoy? :D**

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 19, 2016_

The night had been challenging to say the least. It wasn't that Tali had kept him awake. No, she had been sound asleep, and the only challenge she had posed was waking her up. There had been a greater challenge, something that had kept him awake all night long, without a second of sleep. After the events of the past days, he had really needed the sleep as he had been quite sleep deprived to say the least. But every time he closed his eyes, he would see her. Ziva. Flashbacks to work situations, flashbacks to more quiet, personal, intimate situations. Flashbacks to their time in Israel. _A very fond farewell._ And flashbacks to their time in Paris. He had been unable to shake off the feeling that there was something about that framed picture. A clue, a quiz for him to solve. If only he knew how to solve it. It was precisely why he had made his decision that morning. He had come to Israel to find answers, and he was going to search for them. So, he had gotten breakfast for Tali – the greatest challenge of all time, still – had gotten her dressed and tugged her into her stroller.

Now, standing in front of the office door, he was starting to question his decision. Had it been a good idea to bring Tali here? Had it been a good idea to come her in the first place? Tony took a deep breath and shook his head to clear his thoughts. No, this was the right thing to do. The only thing that made sense right now. He needed answers. And he knew where he had to seek them. He raised his hand and knocked on the door.

Within seconds, the door swung open, only to reveal a very surprised Orli. She eyed him, a questioning look on her face.

"Orli," he greeted, his hands tightly gripping the stroller.

"Tony," Orli nodded at him, "I was not expecting you."

He huffed, "Of course you weren't." _You're Mossad._

Ignoring Tony's statement, Orli smiled down at Tali, who was peacefully sleeping in the stroller, completely oblivious to her surroundings.

Orli looked back up at Tony, "Would you like to come in?"

"Oh no, I would love to continue standing in the door frame," Tony replied sarcastically. _Quit playing games._

She smirked and nodded, then held the door open for him.

"Would you like some tea?" Orli offered as she followed him into her office.

Tony merely shook his head.

"Forgive me for asking, but why exactly are you here?" Orli asked as she came to stand in front of him, arms crossed over her chest.

"Tali and I, we're seeking some answers," Tony replied.

"And you believe you will find them here?" Orli gestured around, giving him an almost amused look.

He nodded, determination reflected on his face.

"Tony," Orli sighed, "I told you she was dead. I cannot do any more for you."

"See, that's where things get a little tricky," he said.

She gave him a questioning look, seemingly not understanding what he was getting at. He sighed as he flopped down in the chair across from her, his hand immediately reaching for Tali, a reflex of protection perhaps.

"Is she really dead?" He finally voiced the question that had been plaguing him ever since he had gotten the news.

He didn't look up at Orli, but he heard her sharp intake of breath, confirming some of his suspicions that yes, she was in fact hiding something, withholding information. What kind of information, he didn't know. Not yet at least. But when it came to Ziva, any information was relevant to him. Even the tiniest detail.

"I think you are overstepping some boundaries here," Orli said, her tone clearly conveying a warning.

But he wasn't having any of it, "I do not think I am."

She looked at him, genuine surprise reflected on her face. Evidently, she hadn't expected him to be so straight-forward. And evidently, she didn't know him at all.

"You said you considered yourself to be Ziva's friend. I'm her friend, too," Tony stated calmly.

She laughed at that, "I think you were a lot more than just her friend."

He took a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions in check. He didn't want to hear any of it. He hadn't wanted to hear it from his dad, or Gibbs, or McGee, or Abby. And he sure as hell didn't want to hear it from Orli.

"Did you find her?" Tony asked, bringing the conversation back on track.

"Tony, I told you she was," Orli started, but he cut her off, "I know what you said. But I'm asking you, did you find her?"

She looked at him, her eyebrow raised, "I just told you again."

"No," he leaned forward, "you told me Ziva was dead. I am asking whether you _found_ her."

"Tony, she is," Orli started to repeat.

"Oh cut the crap, Orli," he yelled, finally exploding.

He leaned back in his chair and took a few deep, calming breathes. He couldn't let his emotions take over. But damn, it had always been impossible when it came to Ziva.

"What are you implying?" Orli questioned.

Tony took a shaky breath, then blurted out, "She's alive, isn't she?"

Orli's face remained stoic; she didn't even blink.

"Did you find her body?" Tony pressed.

Orli didn't reply, so he pressed on, "Did you find her DNA anywhere at the site of the explosion that would indicate she was killed in the fire?"

Orli sighed, her shoulders slumping, "No, we did not."

Tony gasped as he felt a flutter of hope spreading across his body, reanimating his heart, his entire being.

"So, you can't confirm that Ziva died in the explosion?" Tony asked, needing to hear the confirmation.

"Tony, she was staying in the farmhouse. There is no way she could have survived the blast," Orli pointed out.

He leaned forward again, and repeated his question slower, through gritted teeth, "But you can't _confirm_ that Ziva died in the explosion."

For a long moment, everything was silent. Tony stared at Orli, his gaze never wavering. Her face remained stoic though, giving no indication as to what her response would be. Eventually though, she dropped her gaze and shook her head, "We cannot."

Tony inhaled sharply. There was no proof that Ziva was dead. No confirmation.

"She wasn't there, was she? She saw it coming. That's why Tali had a go bag packed and didn't have a scratch on her even though she was supposedly in the building that was on fire," Tony said, his voice rising as he started to put the pieces together in his head.

Orli didn't say a word, but he continued, "I have been to the farmhouse. There is no separate wing. And even if there was, Ziva would have never let Tali sleep on the other side of the house alone."

He took a deep breath, glancing at his daughter – _their_ daughter – as more and more puzzle pieces started falling into place. "And Tali being the person pulled from the fire whom they talked about on the news? That doesn't make sense. How could Tali be pulled from the fire and not have a single scratch on her? She wasn't in the house, was she? And neither was Ziva."

Orli merely looked at him, her face still not giving away anything. It was starting to annoy him to no end. Why was she so calm? Why wasn't she saying anything? This was _important_.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?" Tony questioned, his eyes reflecting the anger he felt boiling inside of him.

Orli shrugged, "What sense is there in saying anything when everything has been said already?"

Tony tilted his head to the side, his eyes narrowing. Was she..was she saying that he was right?

"I think you should go be with your daughter now, Tony," Orli said.

" _Our_ daughter," he immediately corrected, not even hesitating for even a second.

Orli gave him a small smile, "That is what I meant."

* * *

 **A/N: Ahhhhh Orli! I love complex characters, so I kinda really like her haha! (I also love cryptic messages..oops?) Please let me know what you think/what you'd like to see happen/etc in the reviews section below (or use it to vent about NCIS because I've seen people do that and I love it and I will reply to you and we can vent together haha)**  
 **Until next time and KEEP YOUR HEADS UP,**  
 **~ C.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** OH MY GOD! We literally just broke (my personal) review record! "Our Summer" previously held the record with 59 reviews for the first two chapters, but NOW we reached over 84 reviews for just two chapters. Wow! Thank you so so much! You guys rock and I'm so glad you're enjoying this story so far :)

Shout out to the lovely Raccoon Lady (raccoonsmate4life) for suggesting the title by the way. You're awesome! :)

 **Here's the third chapter. Enjoy? ;)**

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 19, 2016_

Tony's thoughts were still reeling when he got back to the hotel room with Tali. Had Orli confirmed his suspicions? Or had she been playing games again? With her, he could never know. He had never been able to know with Mossad. Damn them and their stupid mind games and misleading information.

"Ima?" Tali's voice pulled him from his thoughts.

She was just waking up – he couldn't help but feel grateful that she had slept through the entire visit to Orli's office – and her eyes were small and tired.

Tony knelt down next to the stroller and smiled at Tali, "Are we awake?"

Tali yawned and smiled at him shyly. Her gaze traveled over his face, then took in her surroundings. "Ima?" She asked again.

He felt that familiar pang in his chest, the tug on his heart. How was he supposed to explain to his daughter – their daughter – where her mother was, why she wasn't here? How was he supposed to explain now? How was he supposed to explain ever?

"Ima is not here, Tali," he told the little girl softly.

Tali tilted her head to the side and grinned at him, "Ima?"

He felt like screaming, and was barely able to fight the urge. Being told Ziva was dead had been the worst moment of his life, the hardest news to deal with. News that were impossible to deal with. It would have been hard enough to deal with it on his own. But having to answer to a little girl, their daughter, made it infinitely worse. Then again, he couldn't help but wonder what would have happened had Tali not walked into his life. In a way, he was almost thankful. Ziva had given him the one gift he had never thought possible. She had saved him, saved him from drowning. Drowning in his sorrows, in his pain, in alcohol. It was useless to deny it. He had gone to the office immediately after receiving the news, yes, but that had been to distract himself. Because he knew what it would feel like, had felt that pain too many times in his life to not know how it felt. Only this time, it was real. Or so people kept telling him. It had felt real when they had told him the Damocles had sunken. But had it been real then? No. It had felt real when Gibbs had told him to stop looking, and yet, against all odds, Tony had found her. And now, now people wanted him to believe that she was gone? Just like that? Would it have been different had it been anyone else except her? Probably. But with her, things were different. They had always been different. So that night in the bullpen, he had lashed out at Gibbs. He couldn't remember ever lashing out at Gibbs. His dad hadn't made things better in following him. But he had gone home that night. Sleep had been no option. Alcohol had been. So, yes, in a way Tali had been his light when she had walked into his darkening world the next day.

"Ima," Tali mumbled again and again, pulling Tony from his thoughts.

He looked at her sympathetically, "She is not here, Tali."

Tali's voice took on a complaining tone, "Ima."

"I know," he stroked her cheek, "I know, Tali."

He took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling to avoid Tali's probing stare. He couldn't let her see what he was truly feeling. He had to be strong. For her. For both of them.

"Listen, Tali," he did his best to plaster a grin to his face, "your Ima loves you a whole lot. And so does your Aba."

Tali pointed her tiny finger at him, "Aba?"

He felt his heart swell in pride, "Yes, that's right Tali."

"Aba," she said again, more certain this time as she poked his chest with her finger.

He nodded, swallowing against the lump in his throat and trying to fight back the tears stinging the back of his eyes.

"Now, Tali, how about we watch a movie?" He suggested.

She looked at him, shaking her head.

"No movie?"

She shook her head again, and he sighed. If only she could talk.

"How about we play with your doggy then?" He tried again.

"Pas," Tali said, her voice somewhat demanding.

He ran a hand across his face. What was Pas? How was he supposed to take care of her and make her happy when he didn't even know her favorite toys and games?

"Pas?" He asked as he reached for Tali's bag and started going through the contents.

He held up item after item, but Tali kept shaking her head.

"Pas," she demanded again, this time pointing toward the nightstand.

He looked into the direction she was pointing in, quickly scanning the room. His gaze landed on the framed picture of him and Ziva in Paris. Surely Tali didn't mean..?

"Paris?" Tony asked, glancing back at the little girl.

She nodded enthusiastically, her eyes lighting up, "Pas."

He smiled at her, then carefully maneuvered her out of her stroller and carried her over to the bed. He sat down on the edge with Tali on his lap, his arm securely holding her to him. His other hand reached for the picture frame and Tali squealed with excitement as she pointed to the picture.

"Ima," she squealed in delight.

Tony sighed deeply, and nodded, "Yes, Tali, that is Ima."

"Aba," Tali then declared, pointing to Tony's face in the picture.

Again, he nodded, "That's right, Tali."

She looked up at Tony, "Pas."

"You want me to tell you a story of Paris?" Tony asked.

She nodded, smiling at him.

It took him by surprise to say the least. Did Ziva tell Tali stories of Paris? Did she tell her stories of other things they had done together too? He swallowed against the lump forming in his throat as he took a deep breath and started telling Tali a story of a prince and a princess in Paris. With every word he spoke, her smile grew, but the pain in his chest grew. It hurt to talk about Ziva, about past times. Even if it was just a story, it was all too much. He managed to get through the story, took a shaky breath and forced a smile onto his face when he looked at Tali.

She smiled, obviously satisfied with his story, which lifted the greatest weight off his shoulders. It was beyond hard to figure out this whole fatherhood thing, but he was getting there. And he'd be damned if he didn't try as hard as he possibly could.

"Do you wanna play with your toys now, Tali?" He asked, pointing to the toys he had unpacked from her bag earlier.

She nodded eagerly as she hopped off his lap. He watched her, a fond smile settling on his face. Eventually though, his gaze shifted back to the picture in his hands. On his own accord, his finger started tracing the outline of Ziva's face on the picture. He'd be lying if he said he didn't miss her every day. He stared at the picture intently, hoping, praying it would give something away. A clue perhaps, or a sign that he should not loose hope, that he should cling to that sliver of hope that he had been unable to shake off ever since they had told him about the call Vance had gotten.

He turned the frame over, then took a deep breath as he opened the back of the frame carefully. Call him pathetic, but he couldn't shake off the feeling that there was more to the frame. Why a frame when it could have easily been just the picture? He removed the back of the frame and felt disappointment settle deep within his stomach when nothing fell out. It would have been too easy, too good to be true.

He was just about to close the frame again when his eyes landed on the back of the picture that was now visible to him. Someone had written numbers on the back of the picture. His hope came back with overwhelming speed, almost knocking all the air from his lungs. At first sight, it looked like a date, but there were more numbers, far more than were necessary for a date. His throat constricted as he traced the numbers with his finger. Numbers. Why numbers? And then it hit him.

"Coordinates," he whispered under his breath.

* * *

 **A/N: Yeah, trust me, I needed a kleenex too. Please let me know what you think/what you'd like to see happen etc in the reviews section below :)**  
 **Speaking of reviews, I was gonna reply to reviews as per usual, but for some reason they're not showing up on FFN. As soon as the website is fixed, I'll reply to them all :)**

 **Until next time and keep your head UP,**  
 **~ C.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N** : Woooooow so the response to this story has been pretty awesome to say the least! Thank you thank you thank you for all your sweet reviews, they always make me smile and you couldn't possibly make me any happier. Thank you!

 **Now, without further ado: Chapter 4. Enjoy?**

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 20, 2016_

It was just after midnight, but Tony was still laying awake in the hotel bed. Not because Tali was keeping him up, no, she had been fast asleep hours ago. His thoughts were still reeling and he was unable to find the peace he needed to finally fall asleep. He couldn't stop thinking about the numbers he had found on the back of the picture of him and Ziva in Paris. About how that picture had given him a weird feeling from the very beginning. About Orli's cryptic words. It was all getting too much and he knew if he didn't soon find the answers he was seeking he would go mad. He rolled onto his side, his gaze landing on the picture frame he had put up on the nightstand again.

"Talk to me, Ziva. Where are you?"

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 20, 2016_

Tali woke him up the next morning, loudly calling for her doggy Kelev. Turns out, it had just been on the other side of her tiny bed and she hadn't been able to find it. No drama. Thankfully. Tony was beyond tired having gotten only an hour or two of sleep, his thoughts and theories keeping him up all night. And even the short amount of sleep he had gotten had not been restful. He had kept seeing Ziva's face, past conversations replaying in his head and conversations he was sure they had never had. He knew those nights all too well. It had been the same after he had heard about the Damocles and it had been the same when Ziva had gone off the grid three years ago. Three years ago. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that their time in Israel three years ago had brought them here.

He couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as he watched Tali babble to Kelev, seemingly explaining something very important to her doggy. Tony's gaze shifted to the picture frame and the small post it note he had used to write down the coordinates last night. He reached for the note and took his phone out of his pocket. During his sleepless night, he had contemplated calling McGee and asking him for help. But he had come to the conclusion that this was something he needed to do alone. Funny. That was exactly what Ziva had told him three years ago on that fateful night on the tarmac.

Tony opened the map on his phone and straightened his shoulders. This couldn't be too hard. McGee did it all the time. How hard could it be to type in some numbers and get a location?

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 20, 2016_

Turned out, locating coordinates was not as easy as McGee always made it seem. It had taken Tony quite a while to figure out where exactly the location was. And he had been quite surprised to say the least. He had expected the coordinates to lead him to Paris. Instead, it appeared that they led him straight to the farmhouse. The farmhouse that had burned down. So much for finding answers.

And yet, here he was. He had called Shmeil and asked him to take care of Tali while he went on a little day trip to the Israeli countryside. The old man had thankfully not been surprised about Tali, but rather surprised that it was Tony calling him. Yet, he had agreed immediately to come over and watch Tali for the remainder of the day. It was probably for the best, Tony had decided. He had put Tali through enough stress already. She didn't need to go on a car ride as well. And she definitely didn't need to see her dad falling apart. Which was probably the main reason he had called Shmeil, if he was being completely honest.

Tony took a deep breath as he switched off the ignition of his rental car. He ran his hand across his face, then slowly opened the door and got out of the car. He had decided to leave his car around the corner from the farmhouse so he could walk the final bit of the way. He saw it coming. Of course he did. He had been here after all. And yet, as he rounded the corner, his breath caught in his throat. Where the farmhouse had previously been looming from behind the trees there was nothing. His feet felt heavy as he forced himself to keep on walking. He had braced himself for the impact, but seeing the ashes and rubble knocked the air from his lungs. His hand went up to his chest, a reflex as he felt his chest constricting, his heart being squeezed, then shattered into a million pieces. His throat constricted and he was unable to swallow against the lump in his throat, unable to breath. Before he knew it, tears were pooling in his eyes and slowly making their way down his cheeks. He didn't bother wiping them away. Where was the use in that anyway?

How long he stood there, he didn't quite know. What felt like an eternity could have easily been just a few minutes. Eventually though, he started walking closer to what remained of the farmhouse, his legs moving on their own accord. He knelt down by the ashes, his hand reaching out to touch what remained. _Oh God, Ziva._ Seeing it now, with his own eyes, it was hard to believe that Ziva could have possibly survived. It was impossible. But then again, when had Ziva David ever not done the impossible?

Tony took a shuddering breath, then shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. She couldn't be dead. Maybe she hadn't been in the farmhouse after all. Just like he had theorized in Orli's office. He pulled his phone from his pocket and opened the map again. He was not far from where the coordinates were leading him. His eyes scanned the are, and then it suddenly all made sense. The orchard.

Within seconds, Tony was on his feet and taking fast, determined steps in the direction of the orchard. He came to a sudden halt when his phone started beeping, signaling his arrival at the destination.

"Really, Ziva?" He muttered under his breath.

Of course she would lead him into the middle of nowhere. What exactly was he supposed to find here? Surely not Ziva herself. That much was evident. He knelt down, eyes scanning his immediate surroundings. What was she trying to tell him? Or was she not telling him anything after all? Had he been wrong about the clues? Was she even..?

"Don't even go there," he chided himself.

There had to be a reason those coordinates had been on the back of the picture. His thoughts started racing, trying to recall every little detail he possibly could of their time together in Israel. There had to be a connection. And then it hit him. The box. The I Will List. Their moment.

He was fast to pull his knife from his boot – it was Ziva's clue after all, of course he would bring a knife. She always brought one. It wasn't the best tool for the task at hand obviously, but he made do as he started to dig a hole into the ground. It didn't take him long to hit a hard object. His heart started hammering in his chest when he pulled the box out, his hand shaking as he freed it of the dirt. Taking a deep breath, he opened the box. Sure enough, he found the list inside of it.

Tony sat down next to the hole he had just dug, the box resting next to him as he unfolded the piece of paper. He knew what was on the list, and yet his eyes welled up as he saw Ziva's familiar handwriting and the wishes dearest to her heart.

"I will let go of the badge," he started to read out, his voice just above a whisper.

It was the last item on the list though that caught his attention. As far as he remembered, there had been five items on the list. Not a sixth.

His heart stopped as he read out the words Ziva had written, "I will go to Paris."

* * *

 **A/N: Sooo...that happened. Please let me know what you think/what you'd like to see happen/etc in the reviews section below - and please also feel free to use it as a place to rant about NCIS and I will gladly reply with a rant of my own ;)**

 **Love you and stay strong,**  
 **~ C.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I don't even have words to express my gratitude to all you lovely people out there. Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean the world to me.  
A little note to Jessika who reviewed Black Coffee and Green Tea: Don't be shy! Come talk to me/us here :)

 **Here's Chapter 5, hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 20, 2016_

When Tony came back to the hotel, Shmeil didn't ask any questions. Instead, the old man just smiled at Tony, gave him a clap on the shoulder and told him to take care. That same night, Tony rescheduled the flight to Paris. He knew it would be tough on Tali, but he couldn't bring himself to wait any longer. If Ziva was indeed in Paris – and he wasn't losing his mind – he didn't want her to wait for a second longer. He put Tali to bed early that night, despite her protests. Then he went to pack their suitcase and Tali's bag. When he finally lay down on the bed, sleep was the furthest from his mind. It had been one hell of a day, to say the least. Going from incredibly hopeful, to utterly crushed, to incredibly hopeful again. Seeing the farmhouse, or rather what remained of it, had been the most painful moment. It was in that moment, that he had questioned for the first time whether he was wrong to hold onto that sliver of hope. For the first time since learning the news, he had let his mind wander to the possibility of her really being dead. But that hadn't even been the worst part about it. No, the worst part had been the thoughts that followed. _What would he have done?_

Tony sighed deeply, running a hand across his tired face. "What are you doing to me, Ziva?"

The farmhouse. It had brought about so many memories. Memories of their time together in Israel three years ago. Of how he had found her, how they had spent every day together, how they had grown closer than he'd ever thought possible. That moment in the orchard, the moments that followed. He couldn't help but let his mind wander.

* * *

 _Be'er Sheva, Israel – September 2013_

"I'm fighting for you, Ziva."

His plea for her to understand was a breathless whisper on his lips, his eyes closed. Ziva's hands were framing his face, her fingertips brushing the side of his neck, her forehead resting against his. It was the closest they had probably ever been.

"I know," she whispered back.

It was as though they were breathing as one. He didn't dare to open his eyes for fear that she would pull back, break the moment. Because truth be told, he never wanted this moment to end. Maybe he had finally gotten through to her. Maybe she would change her mind. Maybe she would come home with him, let him be there for her, allow him to change with her.

He felt her breath fanning across his face and knew her lips were only inches from his. Oh how easy it would be to just close that gap, to touch his lips to hers. Instead though, he moved his arms around her face, pulling her closer, keeping her there. She didn't object, didn't move, her breathing still calm and in sync with his. Ever so slowly, his hands moved to the small of her back, his fingertips gently grazing the exposed skin where her top had risen up the tiniest bit. Had she not been this close to him, he would have probably missed the shiver that racked her body. But he didn't. And that spurred him into action. He brought his face that millimeter closer to hers, then held his breath. The next move was all hers. She could walk away and they would never talk of it again. Or she could..

Her lips met his in the softest of kisses, their lips just barely touching. Funny, he had always thought kissing Ziva would be an explosion of intense passion. But this, this was far more than that. It was an expression of love, the deepest, most true love he had experienced. Just the mere touch of her lips was making it hard for him to breath, and his heart felt like it might explode any second. The sensations were overwhelming and the only thing he could really think of was that he never wanted this to end.

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 20, 2016_

Tony took a deep breath as he felt that familiar lump forming in his throat. How hard he had tried to forget that moment for the past three years, how hard he had tried to move on. But with no success. Yet again, he had found it impossible to move on from Ziva David. And now here he was. Still the same guy who refused to believe she was gone, refused to believe it until proven otherwise, chasing her around the world. And for what? He was barely able to contain the laugh. Like the answer to that question was in any way debatable.

* * *

 _Tel Aviv, Israel – May 21, 2016_

"Ima?" Tali's voice cut through the silence of the hotel room.

Tony sat up straight in bed, blinking rapidly. Was that Tali? What time was it? He glanced over at the alarm clock sitting on his bedside table. Just before seven in the morning. Not too bad considering his alarm would go off in a few minutes anyway.

"Ima?" Tali asked again, louder this time.

Tony sighed as he got out of bed and walked over to Tali's bed.

"Hi there," he smiled at her as he reached down to tickle her.

She squealed in delight, her giggles making Tony smile brightly. Ziva had truly given him a gift in Tali.

"Aba," Tali said through giggles.

His heart swelled in pride like it did every time she said the word. It was a feeling he was still trying to get used to. Him being a dad. Who would have ever thought that would happen?

"Hey Tali, listen up," he reached down and easily lifted her from the bed, "we're gonna go to the airport in a bit, okay?"

She looked at him questioningly, her head tilted to the side.

"Remember how fun airplanes are? You're gonna love it," he told her, and to emphasize his point, he twirled her around in the air.

She laughed, her eyes twinkling as she spread her arms. When he pulled her back to his chest, she pouted in protest.

"More flying today, Tali," he winked at her, "promise."

She seemed to be satisfied with his answer because the next thing he knew as she was pointing at her bag, babbling the words he had learned meant she was hungry and wanted food.

* * *

 _Somewhere Over the Mediterranean Sea – May 21, 2016_

Tony was staring out the window when Tali tugged on his sleeve. He turned his head to her, smiling.

"Ima?" Tali asked.

Tony sighed. If only she knew more words. Maybe then she wouldn't always use the one word that hurt him most. He fought back the tears stinging at the back of his eyes and instead reached out to tousle Tali's hair. She smiled up at him and he couldn't help feeling a stab of pain right through his heart. She was so much like her mother.

" _I was just gonna tousle your hair. Sometimes it makes you smile."_

He forced himself to let go of those thoughts and instead focused on Tali again.

"Ima?" She asked again, that cheeky grin on her face again.

That, well that he definitely got from him.

"You miss your mom, don't you?" He asked, hand still cradling her head.

Tali nodded, "Ima."

He glanced back out the window, sighing deeply, "Yeah, I miss her too."

Tali tugged on his sleeve again, making him look at her. She reached for her stuffed doggy next to her and grasped it with her tiny hands, then held it out toward Tony.

"Kelev," Tali said, pressing the dog to Tony's chest.

He looked at her in question, "What about Kelev, Tali?"

She turned her body fully toward his, her feet now on the seat. Before he could tell her to put her feet down, she had pressed the dog even harder to his chest, using all the strength she possessed.

"Kelev," she said slowly, emphasizing her point with another push, "Ima."

"Your mom gave Kelev to you?" Tony guessed.

Tali nodded, "Ima Kelev."

She cuddled the dog to her chest, pressing her cheek to it, then looked at Tony expectantly.

"Ima loves Kelev?" Tony tried.

Tali nodded excitedly, trying to imitate his use of the word "love". She then pressed the dog back to his chest. Tony smiled at her and touched the dog's head. Tali let go of the dog then, surprising him. In an instant, he was holding the dog out to her again, but Tali shook her head, shoving it back to his chest.

Tears started welling up in his eyes. She wanted him to have the dog because Ziva loved it. She was smart for her age. Smarter than he had probably given her credit for. She had understood him when he had told her he missed Ziva. And she was sharing the one item that reminded her of her mom with him.

He looked back at Tali, only to find her curled up in her seat, her eyes closed. Well, that had been fast. He clutched the dog to his chest, his gaze shifting to the window again. His free hand reached for his pocket and he pulled out the crumpled piece of paper. Ziva's I Will List. He hadn't been able to bring himself to put it back into the box, so he had buried the empty box, but taken the note with him. His eyes settled on that last item, a single tear running down his cheek.

" _Please, Ziva, please be alive."_

* * *

 **A/N: Where's my kleenex? Please let me know what you think/what you'd like to see happen/etc etc in the reviews section below and please also feel free to use said section to rant about NCIS, I will definitely reply with a little rant of my own (because how could we not rant about it, right?)**

 **Thank you again for your kind words, you are the best!**

 **Until next time and keep smiling,**  
 **~ C.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Guys! Thank you! I can't even begin to tell you how thankful I am for all your kind words. This means the world to me.

Here's Chapter 6. Get a kleenex. You're gonna need it.

 **Enjoy?**

* * *

 _Paris, France – May 21, 2016_

Tali looked at Tony curiously as he clutched her hand tightly. The flight attendant had just announced that they were starting their descent toward Paris Charles de Gaulle Airport and his heart had leapt into his throat immediately. Without really thinking about it, his hand had found Tali's, squeezing her tiny hand tightly while his other hand was still firmly holding Kelev to him. This was it. It would either all go down in flames, all his efforts and hope for nothing. Or.. He didn't dare to let his mind go there. Instead, he smiled down at Tali, who squealed in delight every time the plane went a bit more down.

"You like flying, don't you?" He tickled her side.

She giggled, "Flying."

His eyes widened in surprise, "What did you just say?"

"Flying," she giggled again, shooting him one of her adorable grins.

He felt his heart swell in his chest. It was the first word she had learned in his presence. When Ziva found out, she would tease him about it. Tease him that it wasn't the word "movie" or "ninja", then scold him for taking the little girl on too many flights within the past week. His eyes squeezed shut as the reality of the situation settled back in. _If_ she found out. If, if, if. He could _not_ afford to get his hopes up. But wasn't he already in way over his head?

* * *

 _Paris, France – May 21, 2016_

They spent longer than necessary at the airport. Even though their luggage had been one of the first pieces on the belt, he had tugged Tali over to a bench and sat with her. Tali, seemingly tired from the flight, had leaned into his side almost immediately, her eyes closing. He smiled down at her, his hand gently tousling her hair.

His thoughts were reeling. So, they were in Paris. What now? Up until this point, it had been easy enough to follow the clues – or what he believed to be clues. But how was he supposed to proceed from here? Paris was a big city after all. There was no way he could just tug Tali around the entire city, looking for any sign of Ziva around every single corner. It wasn't fair to the little girl, and it definitely wasn't fair to him either.

"I'm missing something," he mumbled under his breath.

On its own accord, his hand moved to his pocket, retrieving the Ziva's list yet again. He scanned the entire note, but couldn't find a single thing that stood out. If he hadn't known the list, he would have never even noticed the final item on it. Ziva's addition to the list was written with the exact same color pen, the writing style the same as every other word on the list. Nothing to suggest anything. Which was precisely what Ziva had always been good at. She had always been good at hiding, hiding things and above all, herself.

And yet, he couldn't help but feel that there must have been something he was missing. She wouldn't have packed the picture frame, wouldn't have written the coordinates on the back of the picture, wouldn't have added the note about Paris to her list, if she didn't want him to find her. Or tell him something. He needed to stop believing he would find her. Maybe he wouldn't. Maybe this was something else. He couldn't allow his hopes to get up. But wasn't it already too late for that? Wasn't it always too late for that when it came to her?

He sighed as he folded the note back up and tucked it safely into his pocket. His mind flashed back to the past days, trying to figure out what the hell he was missing. There must have been something he had overlooked. Something. Anything. _Think like Ziva._ What would _she_ do?

And then it hit him. Of course. How could he have missed the single most obvious thing in the world?

* * *

 _Paris, France – May 21, 2016_

They arrived at the hotel just under an hour later. He was unable to get rid off the lump in his throat when he got out of the cab and his eyes landed on the hotel he had Ziva had stayed at during their assignment years ago. One night in Paris. Sounded like the plot to a damn good romantic comedy movie. Only it wasn't.

Tony took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and got Tali out of the toddler seat. He lifted her up so she could rest on his hip while he helped the cab driver retrieve and unfold the stroller. Tali smiled up at Tony when he put her down in the stroller, then reached out her hands.

"Kelev," she requested.

He smiled at her, then quickly pulled the beloved stuffed animal from Tali's bag and handed it to her. She beamed as she snuggled the dog close to her.

Tony turned back to the cab driver, thanked him and handed him a few Euro bills he had gotten at the airport. He took another deep breath, then grabbed the handle of his luggage with one hand and pushed the stroller with the other, taking long, determined steps toward the entrance of the hotel. This was it.

The hotel lobby stilled looked the same, and he was hit by a sudden wave of memories that made his heart leap into his throat, beating at a thousand miles a second. He felt like he would pass out as he neared the reception desk.

"Bonsoir, monsieur," the man behind the counter greeted him with a polite smile.

"Bonsoir," Tony greeted back, then smiled sheepishly, "English?"

The man smiled and nodded. Tony let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. His French wasn't the best, to say the least. And over the years of being partnered with Ziva he had started to rely on her to handle any situation that included a foreign language.

"My, um," he struggled with putting a label on Ziva, "partner. My partner should be in a room here."

"What is the name?" The man asked with a heavy accent.

"Ziva," Tony sucked in a sharp breath, "Ziva David."

His heart started hammering in his chest as the man turned his attention toward his computer and typed in the name.

"I am sorry, there appears to be no room under that name," the man told him apologetically.

Tony swallowed hard, squeezing his eyes shut momentarily, "Can you try DiNozzo?"

The man nodded and returned to the computer, then shook his head, "No, sorry."

Tony's thoughts were swirling. Was there any other name she could have possibly used? Any name that she would have used as a cover?

"What about Sophie Rainer?" He tried one last time.

Again, the man typed in the name, but then smiled at him apologetically.

Tony took a deep, shaking breath, then forced a smile onto his face, "She must have been held off at the airport then."

"Would you still like to book a room then, sir?" The man offered.

His heart was screaming at him to decline the offer, to walk out of that hotel and search the entire city until he found her. He wouldn't be getting any sleep so what was the point of taking a hotel room anyway? But then his gaze wandered to Tali, who smiled up at him with her big eyes. She deserved a good night's rest.

"Yes, thank you," Tony eventually replied.

The man nodded, smiling at him, "May I ask your name, sir?"

"The name's Anthony DiNozzo," Tony said, then smiled down at Tali, "And we will need a toddler bed."

* * *

 _Paris, France – May 22, 2016_

The next morning, Tony was sitting on the edge of the bed as he watched Tali, who had insisted to select her own clothes, go through her entire bag. On any other day, he would have probably stopped her, but today, he just didn't have the strength to keep her from making a mess. He was tired. So beyond tired. He had barely been able to get any sleep, his thoughts keeping him awake all night. And yet, he still hadn't been able to come up with an answer to the most burning question. _What was he missing?_

His gaze shifted to his bedside table where he had put up the picture of him and Ziva in Paris last night. He felt himself being dragged back to that moment years ago.

" _You certainly looked comfy enough."_

And suddenly it all made sense. In one swift motion, he had shot up from the bed, the thought hitting him like a lightning bolt. He knew what he had been missing this entire time. And he wasn't about to wait any longer.

* * *

 _Paris, France – May 22, 2016_

They made it to the little cafe just blocks from the Eiffel Tower in record time. He had intervened with Tali's endless debate of what to wear, convincing her that one particular outfit was just perfect and that even Kelev loved it. She had finally agreed – but not before he had brought up Kelev – and now, here they were. His heart was pounding faster by the second. On the way here, he hadn't been able to shake off the thought that this was ridiculous. Why would Ziva be at the cafe of all places? How could he expect her to wait there for days on end? It wasn't realistic in the slightest. And yet, here they were.

Tali had been fed up with being in the stroller and was now clutching onto his hand as she walked beside him on wobbly legs. He was pushing the stroller with his other hand. His eyes though weren't on the road, or on the stroller, or anything for that matter. Despite the occasional glances at Tali, to make sure she was okay, his eyes were fixated solely on the cafe they were approaching. He'd had no idea he still knew the way to the cafe so well. And he couldn't help but wonder whether it was his heart leading him instead of some great instinct for directions.

As they reached the cafe, his eyes scanned the crowd quickly and his heart sank when he didn't spot her. Of course she wouldn't be here. Too easy. Too stupid. Absolutely ridiculous. Why would she spent her days sitting in a cafe, waiting and waiting and waiting. She had no way of knowing whether he had even gotten her clues. By this point, he had given up the fight of keeping his hopes low. He had given up on the thought that the clues could be a trap, had given up on the thought that the clues weren't clues after all, in fact, he had given up on any rational thought.

He tugged on Tali's hand a bit and she willingly followed him closer to the cafe. He glanced inside the tiny room, but couldn't spot her anywhere either. His heart sank as the reality of the situation settled in. She wasn't here. She was probably not even in Paris. He had been stupid to believe that he would find her here, or anywhere.

Tali tugged on his hand impatiently and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. How was he supposed to tell her where her mom was when she grew up? How was he supposed to explain? How was he supposed to get through all those days and nights when she would call for her mom and he had no answer for her?

"Aba," Tali demanded, her impatience rising with the volume of her voice.

He smiled down at her sadly, words failing him.

She tugged on his hand again. "Aba," she insisted firmly, pointing in the general direction of the other side of the street.

He followed her gaze and his heart stopped beating.

"Hello Tony."

* * *

 **A/N: I know you wanted to murder me, especially as we approached the end of the chapter. And I also know, you REALLY want to murder me now. Trust me, I was literally shaking and my heart was racing as I was writing this. Please let me know what you think/what you'd like to see/etc in the reviews section below and please also feel free to either rant about NCIS (I WILL rant back, just so you're warned) or yell at me in the reviews section haha!**

 **Love you and keep smiling,**  
 **~ C.**

 **P.S. The next chapter might not be up until Wednesday because Tuesday is a very busy day for me, plus the next chapter might get kinda long. So..patience, grasshoppers ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** As expected, I wasn't able to update yesterday (as you might have noticed haha), but I hope this chapter somehow makes up for that ;) Thank you again for your incredibly kind words and feedback. It means the world to me and words can't express how thankful I am. THANK YOU!

Chapter 7, guys. Grab a kleenex. Or a box of kleenex.

 **Enjoy?**

* * *

 _Paris, France - May 22, 2016_

Tony watched in complete and utter silence as Ziva put Tali to bed for her nap. This new side of Ziva that he was starting to get to know wasn't surprising per say. He had always known she would make a great mother. One day. Not that he had ever planned on telling her that. So, it wasn't surprise that he was feeling. But he couldn't quite pinpoint what it was exactly. That feeling that had settled around his heart, squeezing tightly and spreading throughout his body. It had settled deep within him once his eyes had landed upon Ziva across the street from the cafe. And it was that feeling exactly that had been responsible for the lump in his throat, for the lack of air in his lungs, for his inability to speak.

He hadn't spoken a single word since his gaze had landed on Ziva on the streets of Paris. He had watched in silence as Tali ran toward her mother and Ziva embraced the little girl. He had merely nodded when Ziva had suggested they go back to her hotel. And he had walked behind her in utter silence, listening – but not really registering – to Tali babbling on to her mother. And now here they were. Once they had arrived at Ziva's hotel, she had convinced Tali that it was time for a nap and busied herself with getting her settled. He, well, he had just stayed rooted in his spot, leaning with his back against the closed door and watching the scene unfold. It all felt surreal to say the least.

His eyes snapped back into focus as she approached him, coming to stand in front of him. His gaze traveled over her face, taking in her appearance. Was this real? Was she really here? He wanted to touch her, to make sure he wasn't just imagining things, but felt himself unable to move, to do anything. She seemed to have sensed his internal struggle, and with a quick glance back to where Tali was now resting in the bed, she started walking towards the bathroom, her eyes signaling him to follow her. It had always been her eyes, hadn't it?

" _Your eyes won't shut up."_

He followed her without really thinking about it. _He would follow her anywhere._ She closed the door to the bathroom behind them with a soft click, then leaned against it, her eyes meeting his.

"Hi," she said softly.

That single word was his undoing. His shoulders slacked and he felt all the tension radiating off his body. He felt like laughing and screaming and crying all at the same time. He settled for the latter.

Her eyes grew wide as she saw the tears running down his cheeks and she took a step toward him. She reached out her hand, but seemed to have changed her mind mid-air as she pulled it back again. She watched him with concern etched to her features.

He shook his head at the ridiculousness of the situation. He would have had every reason to cry had he not found her, and yet here he was crying _because_ he had found her.

His hand was shaking when he reached out, his fingers brushing hers. He felt a jolt of electricity go straight through his body and it was as though that single touch reanimated him, a wake-up call from the nightmare he had been living. Not just since he had heard about the farmhouse. It was more around three years ago.

"Tony," she whispered, her eyes searching his, begging for him to say something, _anything_.

He reached out to wipe his tears away, then looked at her in awe, "You're alive."

She inhaled sharply, and he didn't miss the tears starting to pool in her eyes.

"I am sorry," her voice broke, "so _so_ sorry."

His heart broke along with her voice and before any of them really knew what was happening, her head was resting on his chest, just above his heart, her arms around him and his around her. Maybe it had been him who had pulled her in, or maybe she had initiated the contact, but either way, it didn't matter. His heart shattered into a million little pieces when he felt sobs racking her body and her tears soaking his shirt. He wished he could take away all of her pain, take it all up on his shoulders if only it meant she was happy. A feeling, a wish he wasn't unfamiliar with in the slightest.

She clung to him for dear life, her fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt. She hid her face in his shirt as tears ran down her cheeks, leaving a burning trail. How long they stood there like this, she didn't quite know. But she never wanted to let go, for fear it would be the last time she go to be close to him, got to be in his arms. For fear that he would reject her, that he would be angry at her. Because, well, he had every reason to be.

His hands moved across her back in soothing circles as he held her to him. He moved his head down a little, pressing his face to her hair, inhaling her scent. It had been long. Too long. _Entirely_ too long. And if he was being honest, all he wanted to do was hold her and never let go. But he knew that wasn't how it worked. And he hated it. As much as he hated it, though, they needed to talk. If not for their sake, then for Tali's. That spurred him into action. Ever so slowly, he loosened his hold on her and took a tentative step back to bring some space between them. His heart broke yet again upon seeing the tear-streaks on her cheeks. She was quick to wipe them away, putting on her brave face, the facade he was all too familiar with. But her eyes, well, he was still able to read them like an open book.

"You," she cleared her throat, straightening her shoulders, "you thought I was dead."

He wanted to yell at her, to shake her and remind her that she didn't need the stupid facade with him. _Never with him._ But instead, he felt himself unable to any of those things as tears stung at the back of his eyes yet again.

He released a shaky breath, "Oh yeah."

For a second, she focused only on her breathing, the conversation too familiar for comfort. When her eyes met his again, she knew his mind had wandered back in time as well.

"I never meant for this to happen," she told him, her voice soft, careful even.

"Tell me why," he inquired.

"Why I let you believe I was dead?"

"I want to know why. You wouldn't just," he swallowed hard, unable to say the words, "you know, without a good reason."

She nodded, taking a step back to lean with her back against the closed door. Then she started telling him about the call she had received just a day before the bombing, about how her instincts to fight had kicked in, but that she had quickly realized that was no longer an option. She told him about how she had packed the go bag, sent Orli a text message with an emergency code so she would know to pick up Tali, and fled the house with nothing but a fake passport. Her eyes watered as she recounted how she had heard the explosion when she was just a few miles out, how she had prayed to whomever was listening that Tali would be alright, that Orli would take her to Tony and that they would be safe. He noticed that not once in her recount of what happened did she mention fearing for her own life, her own safety. And he hated it.

When she was done, she looked up at him with watery eyes, "I did not intend to cause any pain."

He swallowed hard and felt himself nod, "I know."

Silence settled in the small space between them and he felt that familiar lump forming in his throat again.

"But you found me," she eventually whispered, breaking the silence.

He laughed humorlessly, "And you didn't even ask why I'm here."

He squeezed his eyes shut, biting his tongue. Not his smoothest move. His eyes found hers and he hoped she was able to see the apology in them.

"Tony, I," she started, but he held his hand up to stop her.

He took a shuddering breath, "Yes, I found you."

"How?" Her eyes were wide, and he could tell that she genuinely needed to hear the answer to her question. Didn't she know? Didn't she know by now that no matter the circumstances, he would always find her? Even if it meant losing himself?

"The photograph, the coordinates, the list, instinct," he shrugged like it wasn't a big deal.

Only it was. It was to her.

She swallowed hard as she tried to process yet again the length this man was willing to go to for her. She didn't deserve it. She had never deserved it. And she certainly didn't deserve it after what she had done to him, what she had kept from him.

"Did you have that plan in place or was it a last minute moment of brilliance?" Tony asked, catching her a bit off-guard.

She blinked once, twice, trying to regain her focus.

"Paris was always," she looked at him sheepishly as she trailed off and her heart fluttered when he grinned at her.

"Our escape plan," he finished her thought, making her smile.

"Yes," she acknowledged, "our escape plan."

"But I mean the trail of bread crumbs, Ziva," he tried to go back to his original question, "was that plan in place?"

She nodded, "I added the note to the list two and a half years ago."

His breath hitched in his throat. "Two and a half years ago," he repeated quietly.

He didn't think she had heard him, but when he looked up, he was almost certain she had. Her eyes were slightly watery again, worry etched to her features.

"After I," she took a deep breath, "after I found out I was pregnant, I knew I needed to make sure that there was a backup plan. It was no longer just me, it was – she deserved better."

He heard the meaning behind her words loud and clear. When it had been just her, she hadn't thought about an escape plan. And it made sense, in a way. When he had found her in Israel, she had been convinced that she was the center of all the pain in her life, that she was responsible for every death of a loved one, that she didn't deserve a happy ending. It had been her main reason to send him back to Washington, telling him she couldn't bear to be responsible for yet another loved one being hurt because of her. She hadn't quite realized that she was doing just that by sending him away. But he wasn't going to bring that up now. It was water under the bridge, and it wouldn't help the situation in any way. It was in the past, and this was the present.

"Tali, she," Ziva's voice pulled him from his thoughts, "she brought light into my world."

He swallowed hard. Yeah, the little girl tended to have that effect on people.

She bit her lip as she looked up at him, waiting for him to ask the one question she had feared for the past years, and even more so in recent days.

"Ziva," her name was a breathless whisper on his lips.

This was it. She braced herself for the impact, and yet, she couldn't have possibly been prepared for the way it knocked all the air from her lungs.

He sighed deeply, his voice just barely above a whisper. "Why didn't you tell me?"

She squeezed her eyes shut. She wished he would have just yelled at her. But this quiet, sad tone broke her, tearing her heart into a million pieces. The guilt she had been carrying around with her for so long was starting to consume and she felt like she was about to burst. It was all too much. She felt tears threatening to spill, but didn't find the strength to fight them back. Instead, she allowed the tears to slowly run down her cheeks as her eyes remained shut. She felt Tony's presence and knew he had moved closer to her, but she pressed back against the door, trying to get some space between them. Much needed space.

She opened her eyes and almost wished she hadn't as their gazes met. The sadness and hurt was written all over his face, but his eyes, his eyes were a whole different story. She knew keeping her pregnancy from him had been a mistake, keeping Tali from him had been a mistake. The biggest mistake in her life. She had found herself laughing at herself quite a number of times. She had sent him away to spare him the pain, and yet she had caused him more pain than she had ever thought possible. Keeping his own daughter from him was a mistake she would never be able to forgive herself for. And looking into his eyes now, she was quite certain that it was a mistake he would never be able to forgive her for either.

But despite all of that, despite her not deserving his forgiveness, despite her not deserving him to even be here, her not deserving his relentless loyalty to her, she knew she owed him an explanation. And so she took a deep, shuddering breath and locked her eyes on his.

"I found out eight weeks after you," she paused momentarily, "left."

"Ziva, I," he started, but she looked at him, silently asking him to stop, to let her explain first. He got the message.

She raked her hand through her hair, trying to hide her nervousness and discomfort. "I did not know what to do, or what to," she searched for the right word, "feel."

She glanced up at him, but his face didn't give anything away. So she continued, "I knew I wanted this. I could have never..given her up. She was _ours_ after all."

Tears welled up in her eyes yet again as she remembered that fateful day when she had found out. Even though everything had seemed confusing and blurry at the time, one thing had been crystal clear from the very first second, and that was that she could never give up this child, no matter what. When she looked up at Tony, she saw tears pooling in his eyes as well. This wasn't just hard for her; it was hard for him too.

"I did not deserve it," she whispered, "I did not deserve a second chance at the life I never got. I did not deserve the happiness I felt. But you..you gave me that chance."

She heard his sharp intake of breath and lowered her eyes.

"I did not deserve it, and yet there I was," she couldn't help but smile at the memory, "But I felt like I did not deserve you. I had no right to disrupt your life, to force you to be there, to force you to leave the life you love just because I asked you to. I had sent you away to keep you from all the pain surrounding me, and I had no right to drag you back into it."

He took a step closer to her then and she looked up into his eyes. What she found there caused her breath to catch in her throat.

"You didn't even give me the chance to make a choice," his voice was just above a whisper.

Why couldn't he just yell at her?

"It was not an easy choice for me, Tony," her voice was rising now, "Do you not think I would have wanted you there? I missed you every day, every night. I wanted you there. But I did not deserve it. I had no right to do that to you."

His eyes sparkled angrily, "You keep talking about yourself an awful lot, Ziva, but don't you think you're forgetting something? I had a right to know."

Finally, finally he was yelling. She released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. He had every right to be mad at her, to yell at her.

"Of course you did, Tony. And I wanted to tell you," her own voice was awfully loud now too.

On every other occasion, she would have been worried about waking up Tali. But this was important, and it was important for him to get angry, to voice his anger, to let it all out. They had always been awfully good at that.

He huffed at that, "Oh really? When were you planning on telling me? When she graduated high school? College?"

They stared at each other then, heated gazes meeting and if someone had held a match between them it would have caught fire right that instant.

"I would have been there in a second, Ziva," he eventually said under his breath, his voice quieter again.

She ducked her head, "I know."

"Then why didn't you tell me?" He demanded again.

Her eyes shot up and met his. His eyes were sparkling, challenging her. She quickly adverted her gaze.

"I just told you. I had no right, I did not deserve that kind of happiness," she yelled, releasing her utter frustration.

Why could he not understand? Why was it so hard for him to understand?

"What, because you never depended on happy endings you don't deserve a shot at happiness? That's bullshit, Ziva, and we both know it," he yelled back.

His eyes were challenging her again, but this time, she didn't look away. A thousand unspoken words passed between them in mere seconds, and their breathing slowed down, returning to a normal, calm level.

She was the first to break their stare, but she did not look away.

"I regret my decision every day," she whispered.

He nodded, then ran a hand across his face. "You know, I should be incredibly mad at you. When Orli told me about Tali, the whole world didn't make sense to me all of a sudden. I kept on telling myself, you know her, she wouldn't do this. And when it all settled in, I should have hated you," he looked straight into her eyes, "but I couldn't."

She inhaled sharply.

"Every time I look at that little girl, I just keep thinking..she is ours, we made a life. And then I realized, you couldn't be gone. You wouldn't do that, couldn't do that to Tali," he went on, "You knew me better than I thought. You knew I would question the news of your death. You knew I would come for you."

She shook her head, "I did not know. I _hoped_."

He took a step closer to her, his voice lowering an octave, "You _knew_ I would come. You _knew_ I wouldn't stop until I found you. _You know me._ "

His words sent a shiver down her spine. What had she ever done right to deserve him?

"I should have hated you for keeping Tali from me," he repeated, "but instead, I got on a plane to Israel, then followed you to Paris. Because, in case you hadn't realized, I would do _anything_ for you."

"I know," she whispered, trembling under his intense gaze.

"What I don't understand is, why you kept her from me. You know I would have been there in a second. And not because I had to, but because I wanted to," the tone of his voice was making her tremble.

"I know I made a mistake," she gulped audibly, "the greatest mistake I could have possibly made. But I thought I was doing the right thing. I wanted to protect you."

She didn't dare to look up at him for fear he would reject her, that he would walk out the door and never come back. Who would blame him though? He had every right to, every reason to.

He surprised her when he reached out, touching her cheek, making her look at him again.

"I know," he whispered.

It took a second to register with her, but when it did, a strangled sob escaped her throat. Was he saying..?

"Here's an update on what you missed," his fingers were still stroking her cheek, "I handed in my badge, I told everyone I was going to take Tali on a little trip and that I didn't know where it would lead us or when we would return, and I came here." _For you._

"You did not have to do any of this," her voice was just barely above a whisper.

He shrugged, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, "Maybe not. Never really stopped me before though, has it?"

She laughed at that. He was right. And she should have known. She should have told him right away. She should have..

"Hey," his other hand came up so he was framing her face, "it's in the past, Ziva. We can't change the past, okay?"

She pulled back slightly, but he held her there, keeping her from running from this, _them_.

"I'm not saying I'm okay with what you did, it would be strange if I was," his eyes locked on hers, "but I am starting to understand why you felt you had to do what you did, and I will work every day to understand it a bit more."

"Every day?" She repeated carefully.

He winked at her, " _If_ you will have me."

Her eyes widened as she realized what he was implying, what he was offering her. It was everything she had ever wanted, ever hoped for, and everything she didn't deserve.

"Tony," his name was a breathless whisper on her lips.

He leaned his forehead against hers, and couldn't help but be pulled back to that day in the orchard in Israel. Only then, it had been Ziva's hands on his face, her forehead touching his. And yet, one thing remained the same. He was trying to convince her.

"You deserve a happy ending, Ziva," he whispered.

And when he felt her tremble against him, he felt like he was finally getting his point across. His eyes met hers and he knew. He released a breath he didn't know he had been holding, and when he breathed in again, it was as though they were breathing as one.

"Please let me try to prove it to you, Ziva," he begged as his eyes fluttered closed.

She couldn't believe what he was offering her, couldn't believe that despite everything, they were here, together, breathing in this moment.

Her arms ever so slowly snaked around his middle and her breath fanned across his face as she breathed that all important, single syllable, " _Yes._ "

* * *

 _Fade Out_

* * *

 **A/N: So, this has been a thing. And this is also the end to this story. (Though, I gotta say, I'm not closed off to the idea of perhaps writing some sort of epilogue..thoughts on that? Let me know!) Please let me know what you think (also of the story as a whole) in the reviews section below OR use it to vent about NCIS or to yell at me ;)**

 **Thank you again for being so incredibly kind and wonderful.**

 **Love you and thank you again, keep smiling!**  
 **~ C.**


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